The Process

The baby process , yes that is what I am referring to. We are in the process the long long drawn out and make tons of decisions process. The we're absolutely sure this is the one .. but wait what about him process.

Yes, being gay has posed some challenges. Getting beat up outside a bar, being called derogatory names being denied quite a few civil liberties and thus far the procreating challenge. ( all you religious freaks are cheering now)
My wife and I would like to have a family yes that 2.5 (yea, we really do want half a child why is it .5) and the picket fence ours will be painted black or rainbow colors, okay I am kidding about the rainbow colors and we would like a dog or a cat. Anyhow, we want a baby.

We would like to be a family unit. My Sabta (grandma in Hebrew) think we should not because its so expensive. I'm sure there are others in our family that will disagree with our decision because its not the right time. Well there is not a right time to have a baby and money will always be an issue until we become independently wealthy or I go back to school and be come that Attorney (yea right!) even so I prolly work for the wrong side and bleeding heart = pro bono.

Having a baby is expensive and even more so if you happen to be a gay couple, for that matter a gay Jewish couple! I know what your thinking .. people have suggested it to us before. Just got to a bar and have your wife get a one night stand.... or just ask a friend . It's so much easier said than done and well we resent the fact that you think we shoudl just get knocked up at a bar. First off were gay - LESBIANS so a one night stand at a bar will prolly involve the opposite sex - now, that would make us HETEROSXUAL its easy math ! Not to mention who is this schmuck at a bar and what genes will he contribute to my family, my soon to be child ... eww. As far as having a friend donate to our tupperwear party - well that is also easier said than done. There are tons of legalities and then explaining and what if the DAD ( who should just be a donor wants custody) and there goes the friendship.. trust me we did our homework!

We started discussing this way back when. We actually researched and watched in awe as a few friends went through this process and we oooh-ed and ahhed and then they had there babies. Yeah a bit jealous but we were not ready! We both love babies and kids. We are both completely different in showing that too. I am ready to jump in and my wife is more reserved. I have been babysitting since I was 12 and then worked as a nanny for several kids. My wife did it occasionally very occasionally.

We researched and read and made an appointment at a sperm bank. We had a few banks to choose from and that in itself was grueling. How do we know we are choosing the right one? We don't but we went with the one in which we thought suited our needs. We looked though a few 1000 donors and chose a place that seemed to have a selection of donors we liked. We decided to have a Willing to be known donor (WTBK). This means that when our child turns 18 s/he will be able to contact the donor. My wife knew off the bat she wanted to use a WTBK donor. I however did not. I was all about a strictly anonymous donor. She convinced me and I realize its better and the research I did proves it. See so many decisions. These are just some of the many decisions in the process. Then you asses health characteristic and then physical characteristics and you just read them all. You can't see them, there are no pictures of the guy - well not at the place we are using but we can get a baby picture of him. A baby picture ... really? How am I supposed to judge if the baby picture of the sperm dodnor is a suitable match for me. In a way its kinds twisted this is a baby picture of the dude that is donating his sperm for you to conceive! Head trip it is - for me at least. So yeah we are in THE PROCESS! which will apparently end when the baby arrives and then that's a whole other process!

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WIFE!