Period !

Well My wife finally receive her period. Funny she was so upset she did not get at and wanting it so bad yes she got it and is now saying how she is crampy and ugh..
Something I am sure we can all relate to wanting something and then getting it but not wanting it at that point.

What this means now is she will go through a series of 2 trans-vaginal ultrasounds and some crazy dye test to see the function of her fallopian tubes and then hopefully then we can inseminate. Funny thing is heterosexual couples just keep trying and trying for a baby and we have to subject our self to lots of spending and sometimes painful tests. I think I would have just rathered inseminating minus the testing but also see that it could be quite wasteful of our precious money we saved. Especially if it did not work.

I am super happy she has her period and well she is super uncomfortable. She took a hot bath and i told her to go out and get a massage and I made her dinner. I figured she is gonna get pregnant soon so she better get used to it, my cooking that is. I am certainly not a kitchen maven like her. She can cook and just make shit up and it taste great! We have a long hard road ahead of us!

I'm also feeling a lil sad today as I miss my family and my extended family and all their kids. Being back to see everyone during Christmas made me realize how much I love that hanging out mode and just visiting.

Well, time to rest up my throat is scratchy and I need to get rest and feel better big day tomorrow .. back to the fertility Dr with the wife! I wish it was not called fertility .. I mean she is supposed to be fertile and we are not infertile I just dont have sperm but i find being grouped with the infertile offensive- Not that being infertile is bad but ya know..

It's Over

Despite my grumbling I survived Christmas. It was easy, I had two and a half bottled of bubbly as my crutch. THANKS THE LORD BABY JESUS! Oh and there was no praying !!!

I was nice and pretty much on my best behavior. I smiled and made small talk with most except for my wife's brother's current wife. I just glared at her with complete and utter disgust.

We went about Christmas business as normally as we could even though Christmas for they past 8 years has been in the AM for us.

What really got my goat was that my wife's Brother did not do anything for her for Christmas. I could not believe it ? I am still so annoyed with that. I understand hardship during Christmas and how it gets expensive. But for BABY Jesus' sake print out a damn picture of your kids and stick it in a cheap frame you cheap SOB !

Somehow we managed to get gifts for everyone and we are barely surviving on one income. We even left Sunny California for a cheaper alternative!

Well, onward to the New Year !


PS. blogs will be written twice a week Tuesday and Thur unless MWF work out better for me!

Lost their Balls

Recently I have notice an onslaught of married men who have lost their Balls. (or have their balls tied around their neck)

It's amazing to me to see this and i realized that its usually is a family trend. In my family the trend on my Dad side is a ton of us are gay. Go figure? On my Dad's side there are at least for confirmed gay people a brother and sister and distant cousin and myself and who know there are some other characters that I would believe to be gay but have no confirmation. Amazing right !

OK but back on to the balls. I know a family I am related to by proxy and the Husband is or was a sweet guy very built a active fella who was down to earth. Who am I kidding its my wife's Brother. He and I used to have a good relationship. After he had his first son I saw something change in him. A light that he used to be filled with shut off. I guess I witnessed him being castrated oh I am so sad for him now.

They were visiting us when we only lived an hour or so away. He and his wife and their new baby. He was roughhousing with the baby and well the baby fell and got a bloody nose and boy did his wife read him the riot act. She grilled in to him so bad in front of everyone that was there mind you and tore him a new one. She yelled at him so bad that she actually made him cry. That day my poor brother in law lost his balls. His man hood was stripped from him in a matter of seconds. She took his light away.

This has been a reoccurring theme from my BIL his wife directs him tells him who he is allowed to hang out with and what he is and is not allowed to do. Its a shame. But I was noticing there are similar issues like this within my wife's family and a few of the men are unics and ruled by their wives.

BIL where ever you are please know that I hope you grow your balls back or at least are able to unwind them from around your neck and find your light again. I miss you!

CHRIST mas!

Last year I had an incident with my wife's family. I posted something ambiguous on face book with out any names. It was something in relation to my status being about selfish people, something to the tone of I dislike selfish people.

I was asked via facebook by my BIL what I meant by that. I proceeded to answer HIS question on facebook and tell him how I felt about him saying that I believed he was selfish. He and his wife changes a bunch of plans for Christmas causing my wife and my MIL to be upset. Both were mopey and no one was willing to say how it was. I am a say how it is kinda person, I think you can tell this by now from my blog. Anyhow seeing my wife upset kills me es specially this time in particular we had a tough year me in particular. I was laid off and we needed to move to another state to save money and we lost our cat and grandfather.

Apparently my SIL who I was very close friends with and was privy to information that most were not regarding my wife's family she did not have the best relationship with our inlaws. But she took it upon herself to copy my facebook post to her husband and call my MIL up and tell her what I said . Again what I said was my perspective and she misconstrued that information in translation. I was squared with my BIL he said he appreciated my hoest and was glad we could talk.

Anyhow after mt SIL ran her crazy mouth off to my MIL my MIL send me a HELLACIOUS email letter saying how I am no longer part of the family and Blah blah blah .. This really took me by surprise and hurt me. Hurt me so much because like a fool I put my wife's family before my own thinking they were better and kinder. I know Lesson LEARNED. After several months my MIF finally kinda apologized but i have never felt comfortable again like I did. She really hurt my feelings and said vicious and very mean and hurtful things.

Anyhow, Christmas last year was horrible and this years is not looking so hot either. I will be making the best of it. There will be drinks to be had and I will have many and there will be presents galore for my wife and then after the grin and bear I will spend time with people who are dear to me.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Holiday. Oh and should I need you I will reach out for TEXT support!

WISH ME LUCK . and just in case I have Valium!

hold over head

I have noticed that people with young children in their family tend to use there children as bait. My parents have two children and it seems that my sister with her kids usually take president. I also noticed this more so with my wife's brother and his children. It seems that since they have children they can do as they please, meaning that if dinner is at 5 they can say well the kids, blah blah blah kids.. and dinner will be at 2.

For the past 7 years we have always done Christmas at my wife's parents house. We wake up early (wife can sleep till 3m ) 10 to her is early ! We would wake up early and her brothers family would come over early and we would have a brunch. My FIL is an amazing cook AMAZING! So we eat chill and then when we are stuffed to the gills we do presents under the tree and then stocking stuffers. It was fun and warming. After our time we would go hang out with my wife's second family .

Well ever since last year my BIL and his wife has changed things around. Quite frankly it sucks. He changed it all around because now he has kids and well his wife's family is divorced ergo she has to attend 2 Christmas's with her family and she does not seem to have much regard for his family and well we ( my wife and I) have to take the back seat or so it seems. The kids need to nap or we wanna do our own tradition at out house... which I get but you wake up at 5am to do Christmas at your house (or that's what you say ) and well you cant drive 30min to your Husbands family's House like you did every year prior and do brunch and Christmas with his family ! Because what happened is my MIL and FIL end up going to there house to see the kids (my wife and I just sit and have to wait for everyone!)
You'll be back home by 2 and your children which you Taunt the grandparents with can finally nap!

Its not like we live right around the corner anymore we are traveling from 4hrs away but we don't have a child yet to use as a pawn to get our way and manipulate the situations.

I just don't get that. Why do parents who become Grandparents send there kids who dont have children to the back of the bus.

Thats Not My Name

In reading all these baby books to better prepare myself I stumbled upon a section in a Gay and Lesbian baby book (there are way too few of those). The book talks about names specifically what the child will call its parents. In a hetero family its easy Mom is Mom or a derivative of and Dad is well Dad. Easy right. Well as much as I would love for my child to call me Dad (I am more male Identified than I am female) I know that would be uber confusing to a child and well I am not sure how that would go over at school.

The book says we should figure this out because otherwise it will be confusing. So far the only thing I find confusing is what to call me. We will both be the child's mother. My wife will be a Bio Mom as she will carry the little bugger. My wife, thinks that the child will decide who is what and what our names will be. I can see some issues if were were to both be MOMMY? It can get really confusing when the kid yells mommy. I know many who say the kids will decide but I am the NEED TO KNOW GUY. Although my with my recent cancer scare I preferred not to know (I'm fine mp cancer) Just like I need to know what sex the baby is ? It make me less anxious I suppose.

We though of a whole bunch of names, my wife suggests IMA which in Hebrew is Mother and quite suiting as my Dad is fluent in Hebrew and was born is Israel and I speak very little but under stand more. But, it reminds me of him, see he calls his mother Ima and so I guess the word association is a lil weird. I dont know why, I love my Dad and I love my Grandmother. Weird. Then we though of just MA ... which is also suitable being that my parents grew up in New York and well the attitude and such that New Yorkers have and all that Jazz but makes me think its too Jersey ...and Mama J wich I like but seems a lil too Ethnic for me - amazing that any other letter sounds better than J following MAMA...

This name discussion is a weekly thing and I only let it rack my brain once a week guess today is that day. If i did not curb it I would be waking up at 3 in the morning freaking out and what my kid is gonna relate to others Hetero Nuclear Families

Not Happy Period

SO we wait and wait and well My wife does not get her period this month. She went to the Dr. on Monday and they took 16 ( she said she stopped counting) vials of blood. They prescribed her a medication that will induce her period. Its basically a hormone pill Progesterone I believe.

She has been taking these pills for a few days and well, I am worried that if this is any indication of how she will be when she is pregnant then I have a long road ahead of me. So emotional but more a raging B****. My goodness stand back. She says it makes her feel like bit-y in the morning. She is not kidding. Super moody and irritable more irritable than moody I say but wow. I am not sure how we will enjoy this together but I am trying.

Amazing how the medicine has advanced to help people with all sorts o problems. Fertility being one of them.

I have feelings

I am utterly annoyed! I know your saying NOT AGAIN ! Ya see.. I am Jewish though its not a religious thing for me its more of a cultural thing. None the less I am Jewish!

It gets my goat that my wife usually always (i need to choose my words wisely here) usually never wishes me a a Happy Hannukkah or gets me a Hannukkah card well not just Hannukkah but any Jewish holiday for that matter. I only observe and celebrate the High Holidays but those are the ones that mean the most to me! But I say Merry Christmas and I remember to get gifts and or cards and all that Santa stuff. I am also really bother because her Family (mom in particular) does the same thing. She has yet to wish me a Happy Hannukkah or any other Jewish Holiday. Surely to her my MIL its just another day. I will say she made me a nice Christmas Stocking with a Hannukah theme. Thats right its the only Blue and white Stocking in their mantel that has a menorah ans Star of David. The gesture was very nice, I am just sorry it had to be unveiled last year when we were going through a bunch of turmoil. BUT, as much as I appreciate it it is for Christmas.

Just as Christmas for me was once just another day but since I have been with my wife I celebrate with her and I make a conscious effort to wish her a Happy Easter, a Merry Christmas etc. I mean if I dont say Merry Christmas I'm an asshole right? If I dont get my wife a Christmas Present I am an asshole?

It just really bothers me that I(we) send her family Christmas cards and the like but most forget to reciprocate Hannukah wishes to me. Though friends send me Christmas Cards but I know its an over site and it bothers me but not as much.

My family remembers My wife's Birthday and Christmas and send her wishes, or buys her a gift. Yet I can't say the same for my wife's family. Yeah, it kinds hurts. I'll get a birthday gift once in a while if remembered. I'm not worried about the gifts its not about gifts its just about being acknowledged.

Now that I just griped I have to say that this year though prompted my wife did make me my Fav Hanukkah treat Sufganiyot its an Israeli jelly donuts. But, i just want her to one day do something like a surprise maybe. For instance, last year or the year before I went out bought a fake lil xmas tree decorated it with all blue n white balls and it was awesome and she was kinda surprised (she does not show much emotion its a family thing) but it was awesome or so I thought and my good neighbor friend even thought it was so adorable. I guess I am a hopeless romantic in this sense. I spent a lot of money on ornaments and the like but that not issue its the fact that I knew it would make her happy and I totally jive on making her happy.

I'm happy too but once in a while I would just like to be acknowledged. Hmm I an not sure if I am getting my point across its not just regular acknowledgment it Holiday Acknowledgments maybe .. I dunno, but what I do know is that it hurts me sometimes.

Choose your family.

Oy ... I am sure your excited to read this post. I'm sure I'll get flack from my family and my wife's family. I have had the unfortunate experience of being the second born. That's right many of you are gasping and thinking what... you never said you had a sister, well I do... well biologically speaking yes my mother had two children two girls 1 year and 5 month apart (my wife says that is why we do not get along )

My sister and I were NEVER close never! As an adult I am not sure how we were even cut from the same loin - but we were. Complete polar opposites like magnets when put together that repels each other that is what and how we are. I always thought my parents loved her more and payed more attention to her. She was the dancer, cheerleader and the scholar and now the Lawyer. I was just there causing havoc and grief being the "free spirited one" as mom says. Now that I am in my thirties my thought about my parents doting on my sister and loving her more and tending to her more I now realize I was dead on, sadly. I have come to terms with it.When we became estranged my mom had a hard time with it. I understood her perspective as its her two daughters well her daughter and ME (I dont think i fit in to the daughter category more like daughter son category) My mom has two sisters and well perhaps she though they all had a wonderful relationship but what i know of it, it was on again off again. I was sympathetic and I tried to explain to my mom that I just dont need to be judged by my "SISTER" and that I dont like being belittled and made to feel less than. Her Lawyer status makes her think everyone is guilty in my perspective and that most people with the exception of her friends are beneath her. Her words of wisdom to me while I was in college were 1.) Mom and Dad dont get education they barely graduated High school so dont expect anything from them and all they are good for is paying for things. 2.) My philosophy in life is to do what I have to and step on who I have to to get to the top ! I totally do not subscribe to this - I was standing with my mouth wide open for like an hour after I heard that. I am a bleeding heart, I have a heart of gold.. I step on no one and always put myself last ... GULP ....and ok so education was not a big whoop to my parents and they come from a different time ... but geez RESPECT something Law School did'nt teach her obviously.

After our falling out almost four years ago I choose to no longer have a sister certainly not one like that . I see friends who have awesome relationships with their sibling and I am usually in Awe of them but just the mere sight/though of "my sister" (i refer to her only by name in my daily life if she happens to come up as if she was an acquaintance I knew on High school or something) I cringe and just have a horrible taste in my mouth. I have tried to reconcile and had made attempts but nothing has come of it. I have great friends who are more like family to me than some of my own. So I believe that you can choose family and this BS about blood and blood line is a crock of shit.

I think choosing your family is a viable option. Especially now that I am in the process of trying to start my own family which is not nuclear in the Mother/father sense. I know the most important thing is to have people around me, my wife and soon to be child are people who love us for us and who can accept us for what and who we are. I am all about letting people slip out of my life if they do not enrich me in some way and certainly if they cause me more harm than good. Positive living if you will well at least in my mind. Life passes to quickly to try to play the game and appease. My child will have an AUNT to fill my sisters place and I have a substitute for her as well.

Happy Period

This baby making process is really something. From choosing donors to deciding characteristics and down to what month we want the baby in so many options and choices. It really nerve racking.

Right now we are in the lets make sure the wife does and can have a baby part of the process. This means that she has tons of blood drawn and taken. They do a complete blood work up looking for Hiv, STD and diabetes and a sleuth of other stuff. Asside from that we have to wait for her to get her period and then she has to go for more test and several internals. Yikes.. They have to do a internal while she is menstruating. It's not bad enough that women have to go to the Gyno but if your are trying to get pregnant and you are having fertility issues such as your wife is a dyke ergo no sperm and or you actually have fertility issues then you have to have the displeasure of having a internal while on your cycle. I said to the DR. I rather deal with Dead people any day than do that ... and she joked back saying anything below the belt is fine and blood was no issue for her. Well I love blood n guts too but Menstrual blood is different than spurting atrial blood or even decomp blood.

My poor wife. Will have to have internal ultra sounds and then a flushing of her cervix and then a test where they go though the cervix and insert dye to see if her fallopian tubes are working. All this with in days of each other. All during menses.

Oddly, we have never been more excited for her to get her period. I used to get annoyed at those horrible tampon and kotex commercial that claim and use the tagline "Happy Period." It was so annoying .. and now we have never been so excited and happy for her to have her period. We are waiting patiently and I am sure will be jumping for joy when she does! The human body is amazing what it can do and the capabilities it has.

SO we hope everyone has a HAPPY PERIOD we know SHE WILL!

Christmas Already

Oh dear its X-mas already. Ugg. Its so filled with joy and happiness and all things red and green(personally i think the worst color combination ever) and eggnog and bad white beards and that meshpucha (family in yiddish) and the manger and all the Chotchkies you could possibly imagine. All I know about Christmas is what i have learned from my past girlfriends who were not Jewish and feeling left out in grade school and everything in between which I learned from my wife and her family and friends.

Honestly, God had a plan for me... for sure he made me Jewish for a reason. Trimming a tree is fun and wrapping is fun but OY what a mess that tree makes and the ornaments. Just seems like a hassle on occasions and it seems that many people dread it. What really gets my goat is the music. Boy Oh Boy - even the most Christmasy of Christmas people get annoyed with those songs! I prefer a BAD CHRISTMAS SWEATER over a Christmas song any day.

I suppose my recent falling out with my wife's family well really with my wife's sister in law has kinda forced me to re-evaluate the Christmas conundrum. I have pretty much gotten over that and realize I don't have to have anything to do with her except on those special occasions so I'm good. Last Christmas I drank almost 3 bottles of champagne on a pretty empty stomach so Christmas was great regardless of what happened. I was recently told by a friend who has a SIL that she does not jive with or as she puts it her least fav SIL she recommended a few Klonopin. Its comforting knowing that I am not the only one who has this problem.

GRIN AND BARE GRIN AND BARE!

HAPPY HANUKKAH ALL!

Near Death

...Oh crap i think to myself and SAY out loud through the window BABE! She looks at me with a scare in her eyes and a small smile one her face as the truck is skidding towards her. The truck was just inches away from hitting her car and nearly killing her. The huge white truck hits the tiny lil curb that separated the North Bound and South Bound traffic. He recovers and skids the opposite direction just missing her. It was raining and he made a turn and prolly skidded due to the rain. She looked at me right after he recovered and nearly missed her and she said .. I almost died, you almost watched me die.

This happened at 4:30 pm yesterday. My wife and I were taking back the rental car we used to travel back to Los Angeles. I was in the lane next to her. We had our windows down and we were at a red light talking. I was just telling her that she needs to get a new cell phone because she lost hers and I was driving and had a vision that god forbid something happened no one would be able to get a hold of her. Then the WHITE TRUCK started skidding straight for her.

We caught our breath and got over the shock of her almost being obliterated. As I continued my now extremely cautious drive to the rental place tons of th9ought were flooding my head. My heart was heavy and i began to think about what I would do or how I would feel. I was overcome with emotion.

What if I had watched my wife die? Sitting in a car next to hers and watching a truck take her out. What would I do. How would I carry on and that image of her and the accident itself would be ingrained in my head. Shit !

I picked her up at the rental place and she get in to my car and she said. "Oh my god you almost watched me die." it was in that moment that I realized that I would not be able to carry on with out her. It was that very second that I felt the most intense love for her that I ever had. It was that moment that I realized that watching your wife or anyone for that matter die so suddenly in front of your own eye must be the worse possible torture that life can throw at you.

Wow - This makes for a very depressing blog and I am not one for saying live each day like its your last and cherish all those around you and blah blah blah ... But holy crap ! I love my wife so... much so much and in that moment I realized I take her for granted sometimes I'm not the nicest and well all relationships have there issues but I now appreciate our relationship more and I appreciate her more.

Excited but Nervous

Yesterday my wife and I had a very important appointment with the Fertility Doctor.
We are in THE PROCESS of trying to have a baby! Its kinda cool being gay and getting to pick and choose donors, qualities, dates we want the baby born and such.

So we met with this new Doctor to see if we like her and check out the facility so we can start THE PROCESS. I am super excited but also very nervous. I get nervous because queer families, same-sex families get a bit of flack because people are not used to seeing it. That goes for Doctors as well. When we called the facility they automatically assume my wife was hetero and asked how long we have been trying. She laughed and said trust me lady we have been trying, It aint gonna happen!

I always get nervous because I am butch and obviously gay as my mom puts it and well my wife just looks like a woman and her gayness does not scream out. (this annoys her sometimes) Apparently, as soon as I step out side people can just "tell " I'm a dyke Well everyone except for my friend Norma Jean knew.

I don't get upset if people mistake me for a dude and it only bothers me sometimes when i am referred to as a female pronoun. I cant stand Ma'am ugg.. but at a Doctors office i expect them to be professional and sensitive to the clients/patients they have. This place had written on the paperwork and underlines several times FEMALE PARTNER.

The Doctor we met with was nice she reminded me of DR. Bailey from Greys anatomy the way she spoke. She all kinds of accolades from Duke University The office staff was great, nice and friendly and they explained everything to us.
The office was nicely decorated and very clean and very boutique like.

Now my poor wife has to have a whole sleuth of tests during her cycle. Poor thing! I guess this is one tome well one of the times that she and I will be so happy she has her period!

Ahh Baby making!

Social Media - So what !

Every year and century mankind evolves. Its been going on for years. Computer are obsolete in a matter of 6 months after you purchase them because something better is on the market. They essentially are made better and evolved in design. This goes the same for networks and social media which brings me to to this blog. From Facebook, my space and twitter and even The Kibitzer itself its all social media
Social media is designed for carrying out social interaction through networks and unique publishing techniques. Social media uses internet and web -based programs to broadcast media monologues to social dialogues. This allow one to connect with a greater audience, find people who you have lost or lost touch with engage with some whom you may not engage with necessarily or people whom you would like to connect with on a daily or regular base with and cannot because of the distance. That is how I describe it at least.

I am so sick and tired of hearing people say, "DONT PUT ANYTHING ON THOSE SOCIAL NETWORKS THAT YOU DONT WANT YOUR MOTHER OR FUTURE EMPLOYER TO READ, ITS THERE FOREVER." ugg - I understand what they are saying but geez most people have no clue what they mean. I have a facbook account and a twitter and I write this blog. I am throwing all kinds of thing out to the world via these social media networks and yes no one knows who I am. No one reading this blog knows who I am and anything other than what I share. You may be privileged to know me YAY- FOR YOU and if you do not well FIRST OFF thanks for reading my blog, I hope you find this entertaining and perhaps my experiences can help you and if you have similar experience you are not alone - but i think its pretty funny most of the time. If not happy with its contents then stop reading!

I will now address FACEBOOK - Its not all as public as you think it is. Some people choose to share there whole world most of us are smart enough to not .... and use some sort of filter. I am on facebook and my profile is private. You cant search me unless you know my name and then you cant see anything unless I grant you permission. Now, Lucky for me I have an AKA or alias (sounds sneaky) people know me by the same name but just a lil different. If you send me a request and I don't like you or don't want you to see my online world I reject your request . Its easy!
I think most people who do use the BIG BAD AND EVIL SOCIAL MEDIA know not to give out tons of info and if they do its there freaking prerogative. Most people I know use an additional email and if I was applying for a JOB I certainly would not give them the email associated with my accounts. I have a special JOB e-mail.

So c'mon people its the 21st century we are on the verge of 2010. I was able to connect to my friend I was in Kindergarten with. That was awesome we lost touch in JR. High lived right around the corner from each other and here we are in our 30's and we reconnected! Its amazing. I have family all over and I am not so close because of the distance but thanks to SOCIAL MEDIA i am able to talk, and share with FAMILY that I did not regularly get to see or talk with.

So is it really a scary social media or are you just afraid of it. Yes, we all heard the story of the Lady who was on disability and posted pictures of herself ... She is an idiot or certainly not that smart but that's her. If you say you have a broken leg then don't post pictured of yourself climbing a ladder... again its not rocket science and well again I cant help it if your not that bright. But don't fault me for using social media because of those nimwits and because you and other out there don't know how to use it.

So I am and will post what I want to and for my friends and people I allow to be in my network. You can choose to be a part of it or not.

What happened to my sideburns.

I can be a complainer. I can definitely let someone or business know when I am not satisfied. I do it pretty tactful with lots of emotion and vigor.

I recently got my haircut, its relatively easy a 2 buzz on the back and side squared in the back and keep the top short and choppy. I wear it spikey! Oh and please NO FLAT TOP! I have cut my hair on several occasions and my wife has also done so. I stopped doing it myself cuz it really is a bear to clean up and hair gets everywhere. There isn't enough vacuuming or sweeping that can get every lil piece ergo it becomes a hassle.

The lady seemed to be doing a good job and seemed to know what she was doing. I was paying attention but perhaps not enough .... I said square the sideburns not cut them off completely. I am noticing this terrible haircut job. Then she ask is it ok....and ummm.... I say yeah great, and I think ... Well i did really need a hair cut, I really did.

I'm at the cash register and I'm anxious to see what she did - but i need to look in a mirror at my house after I am de-haired. I pay the bill give her a tip ... Ugg why am I tipping here she did not do a great job ... But what do you say .. umm I hate it, not its not ok. Its not like she can fix it or I would want her to. Who knows what that would end up looking like. It's like when you are at a restaurant and your waiter ask if everything is ok and your mouth is full or if everything is not ok. Most people will just not and carry on ... UMMM...actually sir, no everything is not OK and this food sucks. (maybe on day i can say that- if it does)

So, now I have a hair cut .. Its not that bad (i keep telling myself that) its hair it will grow back. My sideburns they will grow back too ... AHHHHH! What happened to my sideburns.

I know you wondering where I went and that may be partly my fault. Supercuts was not so super to me this time. I know, I know what your thinking ... SUPERCUTS... but I have short hair and its pretty easy to cut ! Paying more than 15$ is a total rip off and please dont even get me started on the places I have gone to in the past that charge me the "WOMAN" hair cut fee of 25$ its a mans haircut for goodness sake! Why the hell are you charging me a woman's hair cutting fee? No flowy locks here no thick, silky sexy hair here. Just a Buzz and a lil texturizing. It should not be that difficult.

Never Good Enough

Thanksgiving came and went. Our first year hosting it (it was a last minute thing) it went smoothly and really well. My wife is an amazing cook - I mean really there isn't much she cant do in the kitchen. Okay, so maybe meat might be an issue being a vegetarian and all but I am certain she would be able to handle it.

This year was a bit tough its the first year we did not spend it with my wife's family. We would make the trek to Monterey and enjoy great food and company there. That did not happen this year due to unforeseen things, family issues and well we live further now and we have a trunk show to do the following week. My wife has a childrens clothing line she is trying to get going. So, a lot going on.

My parents came up with my Sabta (grandmother) for thanksgiving and it was the first time in a long while that I spent Thanksgiving with my parents. They usually go hang with my estranged sister and her kids. Apparently when you give your parents grandchildren you become the priority. Apparently I wont understand this until I become a grandparent!

It seems that no matter how old I get it and no matter what I do for my parents its not good enough. Yes, They were thankful for the dinner and the time and sharing and we even had some monumental moments. What I mean is that i can clean or have the place clean and it never seems good enough for them. I can go out and get the most expensive turkey there is and they will still tell me how great the Turkey from Vons was. I can be DEAD right about something and it seems that I never know what I am talking about. They never take me seriously.

I wonder if my parents are ever proud of me. I supposed this is something I will never know. Asking will yield a yes, Of course we are proud of you result. I am certain they are but I would like to know and especially about what.

I see my Dad constantly talk about my sister and light up when he does. She makes him proud I see that. By the way, my sister is a Lawyer and ADA actually. So when he talks about a trial or a criminal she has dealt with he beams - with rays so huge from his head he could direct air traffic. Granted, I know I am not around to hear my dad talk about me, but I know my dad would not be sitting at my sisters house telling my sisters family about me. Even when I had an interesting internship at a Coroner's Bureau. So, when is it gonna be my turn to catch my dad beaming about me. I used to be real big on seeking affirmation from them but over the past few years I have realized I am really never going to get it from them.

Maybe when my wife and I give them a Grandchild ...which will hopefully be soon.
Well regardless of the beams and the feeling of never good enough, deep down inside I know my parents really love me and I do them we just can't talk about it.

The Process

The baby process , yes that is what I am referring to. We are in the process the long long drawn out and make tons of decisions process. The we're absolutely sure this is the one .. but wait what about him process.

Yes, being gay has posed some challenges. Getting beat up outside a bar, being called derogatory names being denied quite a few civil liberties and thus far the procreating challenge. ( all you religious freaks are cheering now)
My wife and I would like to have a family yes that 2.5 (yea, we really do want half a child why is it .5) and the picket fence ours will be painted black or rainbow colors, okay I am kidding about the rainbow colors and we would like a dog or a cat. Anyhow, we want a baby.

We would like to be a family unit. My Sabta (grandma in Hebrew) think we should not because its so expensive. I'm sure there are others in our family that will disagree with our decision because its not the right time. Well there is not a right time to have a baby and money will always be an issue until we become independently wealthy or I go back to school and be come that Attorney (yea right!) even so I prolly work for the wrong side and bleeding heart = pro bono.

Having a baby is expensive and even more so if you happen to be a gay couple, for that matter a gay Jewish couple! I know what your thinking .. people have suggested it to us before. Just got to a bar and have your wife get a one night stand.... or just ask a friend . It's so much easier said than done and well we resent the fact that you think we shoudl just get knocked up at a bar. First off were gay - LESBIANS so a one night stand at a bar will prolly involve the opposite sex - now, that would make us HETEROSXUAL its easy math ! Not to mention who is this schmuck at a bar and what genes will he contribute to my family, my soon to be child ... eww. As far as having a friend donate to our tupperwear party - well that is also easier said than done. There are tons of legalities and then explaining and what if the DAD ( who should just be a donor wants custody) and there goes the friendship.. trust me we did our homework!

We started discussing this way back when. We actually researched and watched in awe as a few friends went through this process and we oooh-ed and ahhed and then they had there babies. Yeah a bit jealous but we were not ready! We both love babies and kids. We are both completely different in showing that too. I am ready to jump in and my wife is more reserved. I have been babysitting since I was 12 and then worked as a nanny for several kids. My wife did it occasionally very occasionally.

We researched and read and made an appointment at a sperm bank. We had a few banks to choose from and that in itself was grueling. How do we know we are choosing the right one? We don't but we went with the one in which we thought suited our needs. We looked though a few 1000 donors and chose a place that seemed to have a selection of donors we liked. We decided to have a Willing to be known donor (WTBK). This means that when our child turns 18 s/he will be able to contact the donor. My wife knew off the bat she wanted to use a WTBK donor. I however did not. I was all about a strictly anonymous donor. She convinced me and I realize its better and the research I did proves it. See so many decisions. These are just some of the many decisions in the process. Then you asses health characteristic and then physical characteristics and you just read them all. You can't see them, there are no pictures of the guy - well not at the place we are using but we can get a baby picture of him. A baby picture ... really? How am I supposed to judge if the baby picture of the sperm dodnor is a suitable match for me. In a way its kinds twisted this is a baby picture of the dude that is donating his sperm for you to conceive! Head trip it is - for me at least. So yeah we are in THE PROCESS! which will apparently end when the baby arrives and then that's a whole other process!

Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WIFE!

THANKSGIVING

Today is the day families get together and say they are thankful for all these things and each other and then turn into GLUTTONOUS BEASTS! Yeah its Delicious ! Tough for us vegetarians because everyone really does want turkey at thanksgiving !

Its sucks even more if your Birthday is close to or possibly even on Thanksgiving. Just ask my wife. She was born on the 27th . That means that her Birthday is often on Thanksgiving.
and even when its not on Thanksgiving its right before or right after. This sucks in more than one way because usually (more often than not) Thankgiving over shadows her birthday.

Now, my wife is a super trooper and will tell everyone, I mean everyone that she is OKAY with this. She'll say she just has a minor issue with the turkey being a vegetarian and all though she rather not have a huge bird carcass on her Birthday table ... ( psst.. it's their Thanksgiving table) she grind and bears it.

Now being Married for only 2 years legally (we are granfathered in fed gov't has no idea what to do with us **OTER POST**) but been together for a total of 8 years.. I know my wife well maybe sometimes better than she knows herself sometimes. I know when she says she OK and really is'nt and BIRTHDAY/THANKSGIVING is not one of them. She deep down inside despise it and well I do too. People usually forget, her family included. Okay, okay maybe they don't "FORGET" but they over look, they are busy with turkey, stuffing and baking pies and seating charts. Not to mention its her BIRTHDAY DAMN IT and she does not want a turkey! God forbid we forgo the Pumpkin pie and have a cake. It really wreaks havoc on her- she'll never tell you that or me for that matter.

So, how do I get around this .. How do I get everyone to refocus on the BIRTHDAY part and drop the bird. Of course I try to make it extra special and go super duper crazy but I admit its tough- people are busy ( now we live even farther away). Really, I can't call her family and friend and say, " hi, its me and well Its HER BIRTHDAY " cuz I can see that coming back to bite me.

I know for one I am thankful for my wife and once we have a family maybe we will axe Thanksgiving and just have a BIRTHDAY ... I can't wait !

So, though I am thankful for many things and this year i am even more thankful her bday is not ON thanksgiving but right after -HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WIFE ( one day you'll get your photoshoot I promise)

so, maybe next year ... if you know my wife and we have thanksgiving, you'll hold the turkey or at least remember her birthday !

What To Do?

As I said previously my wife is a goy er x-catholic as she calls it. Oddly enough she has celebrated Jewish holidays most her life. Her second family ( her moms best friend who assisted in raising her, is Jewish). My wife knows the prayers she bakes a mean Challah and because we are vegetarians were close to Kosher ( I said close) having another set of dishes is just too much and well we have no cabinet space! She knows about the HIGH Holidays.. and lets be real every day is a Jewish holiday... seriously.

Anyhow, we eventually plan to have a baby but in that eventually comes with all these things I never though about before. I mean when we were getting married and my father CRINGED when I said I wanted a rabbi and my mom suggested hiring an actor to play the part of the Rabbi i kinda got it .. it hurt because to us even though we happen to be GAY we were still having a wedding and in our minds it was just the same as a hetero wedding .. and it was really . But I get it , i get that its new and they never has a gay kid before and they certainly never went to a gay wedding or hosted one . Honestly ME either but I get it... no rabbi - it only kinda bothers me !
Back to WHAT TO DO .. I want the baby to have a Baby naming its standard Jewish tradition. I consider myself very reformed my dad still go to the synagogue ( Temple) for the High holidays
( i wonder what he prays about ) but i consider myself very Jewish in some regards. I wanted a rabbi at my wedding and I want my kids if and when to have a baby naming and I would like my children to go to a Jewish nursery school. I will say I am not religious though... not sure about G-d and all that . Judaism to me is more cultural/spiritual but not religious.

Anyhow, a baby naming in the Jewish religion is similar to a baptism or a Bris (Jewish circumcision boys) I suppose but different. Its where the family honors, thanks and blesses the baby girl and a Hebrew name is given to the child that usually honors relative. I supposes I should ask my wife if she is OK with this ? I kinda already know she is .. but my issue is what if she wanted the baby to have a baptism? I would so not be OK with this A baptism is so, religious ... in a church and with a Priest and it all about saving the child from what... HELL, the devil possession (this is all from what my wife's tells me) so our child can pass to heaven should it not survive... I am a fatalist and all but lets give the kid a chance! Its just way to much for me, way to Godly for me and the dunk and water and well, I am sorry, Jesus.

So, here in lies my question WHAT TO DO?

Let me introduce myself!

So , First blog post it needs to be entertaining. Needs to draw you in eh ... I'll do my best I'm not so entertaining. Though, I crack myself up and think I am pretty damn funny. Oh, and I am an ass at times too. My wife says lots of times. I'm a bad speller and I will most certainly, CERTAINLY use several words out of context and I will also make up my own words. Hey, I'm just preparing you !

Here's me in a nutshell ( i prefer pistachio). I am a Jewish, lesbian (i prefer dyke or butch ) who is a vegetarian. Yup, I tried for all minority groups ! Oh and I married a goy ( a goy is a non-jew) she prefers to call herself an EX-Catholic.

My life is simple. I think I am a simple person no excessive needs or wants ... though I am a bit of a fatalist and a definite realist. I believe in honoring my integrity and I am a pretty loyal friend. I am BLATANTLY and BRUTALLY honest most times. That's really hard for people honesty to give it and accept it but I for one would not let you walk out of the house looking like crap. I lack tact sometimes which makes the honesty hurt a bit according to my wife.

My view is slightly skewed on many things and I tends to always play devils advocate and/or sit on the fence and teeter. I was told in college by several professors ( what do they know ) that I would make a great Attorney. Little do they know ... my sisters the Attorney I am the bleeding heart according to my mom she is a typical J.A.P ( Jewish American Princess)
Ok back to the skewed view... My Dad is from Israel but came to the U.S. at age 11 ergo My SABTA ( grandmother in hebrew) is from Poland and a Holocaust survivor ( that's a whole other Blog in itself ) thou she will never admittedly say she is Polish and her life's philosophy is "In life there are more thorns that roses" I share this philosophy as well most the time you can see why ! The misogyny, chauvinism the very male dominated ego and that hot blooded Israeli temper. So this eastern European up-bringing meets my mom from New York the Cat skills and and New Rochell upstate New York .... You can see why I am slightly skewed.

I am opinionated and I love to talk my mom says I'm a Yenta ( its Yiddish means Meddler, gossiper, meddlesome, busybody) I can go on and on ( as you can see).

I am hoping to share some of my life's perspectives with you and some major events in my life. I will also write about issues i have and things that annoy me. I welcome all your comments.

I am apologizing now if I offend you ! SORRY !