We went to our Post-op and were basically given the all clear! HOOORAY for us !!! The Dr. went over things she did it the operation explained pictures to us. It was a very exciting but dull appointment. Then this other women comes in the room with us and glides a piece of paper over which stated how much things will coast. Kinda what we expected but not really. (in my head I hear the ACME sound when a cartoon sees a hot woman AWOOGA AWOOGA and I felt my eyes pop outta my head) We don't have many choices at this point and saved !
My wife and I look at each other and we say READY .. Of course were ready for this baby, of course were ready.. We are just not ready to give up all our money. I guess that part will never be easy. This particular plan did not allow for any refund which was a lil annoying. Say you purchase the 2 insemination which is a lil less than the 1 (they give you a break). If you get preggo on the first insemination of the 2 purchased you dont get your money back from the second ! I think that is a rip off and it is. But what are we going to do, WE ARE READY, WE WANT THIS BABY!
As soon as we got home we ordered our sperm from the sperm bank. It was a emotional day, We are so excited but it quickly gets washed out by the amount of money we spent. Thank goodness we have been saving. I was so nervous to place that call with the sperm bank ... and double checking everything. I was come over with last min second guessing. I was A-OK with this donor had it set then the feeling of is this right, is this ok.... Asked my wife and she yells YES!!!!!!
So we did it. Sperm is ordered now we wait till her cycle starts and then pay for the insemination. It was busy day yesterday ... and I was tossing an turning about it all night. So HAPPY, SO EXCITED but Scared Shit !
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
TORN
Yesterday was my Happy Birthday! It was great fun good food a ton of birthday messages on my Facebook and in box and cards in the mail. A deliciously wicked cake baked by my wife!
Now that my Birthday has come and gone we have my wife's POST OP visit. I am hoping everything is healing well and the Fertility doctor will say stop taking the provera
(a progesterone hormone that stops menstruation) and then she will start her cycle and get clomid and thus the INSEMINATIONS will begin.
I am little torn about this though. Ya see if we do insemination now and get pregnant then the baby will be born in 2010. This is good because with the surgery she just had and insurance we have met our deductible (we have a PPO) so this means that if said baby is born this year its birth will essentially be covered by insurance. Well, I really like the fact that we will not have to pay any additional fees. That being said I am frightened at the the fact of having a baby in NOV and DEC. Okay, calm down let me explain.
Gay families get to practically choose everything from donor characteristics. This process is a plan that is well thought out unlike heterosexual people. We have to think weather or not we want children and and then think how we will obtain this and who will be our donor and who will carry. So my thought is, that we have put all this thought in to having a child why cant we plan out when its born (We can) Well try to at least decide what month it will be born. My wife and I have a lil issue with Scorpios (the sign) and well My wife's b day is on or a day before or after Thanksgiving and from previous blog you can see her anxiety, hate and distaste. The next month is Dec and early December is great but Hanukkah can get in the way later is too close to Christmas and well I don't want another Holiday to interfere with my family (that must sound terrible) I just know the issues my wife has. Not to mention the Scorpio thing.
I dont know much about Astrology and signs .. it is a lesbian thing though a lot of women who are gay seem to have this Astrology thing going on .. My wife kinda has it.... like i said I dunno ... but i know what she tells me about Scorpios and I have seen her friend who are Scorpio and I know that I have a father and sister who are LEO's and have a hard time with them being an Aquarius. .. Okay I know this sounds ridiculous!!! I know ... but if we hold off the baby can be born in JAN in 2011 and have its own Birthday not under the pressure of another Holiday and but we would have to meet our deductible .
I know Crazy right !!! WHat can say I'm an over thinker!
Now that my Birthday has come and gone we have my wife's POST OP visit. I am hoping everything is healing well and the Fertility doctor will say stop taking the provera
(a progesterone hormone that stops menstruation) and then she will start her cycle and get clomid and thus the INSEMINATIONS will begin.
I am little torn about this though. Ya see if we do insemination now and get pregnant then the baby will be born in 2010. This is good because with the surgery she just had and insurance we have met our deductible (we have a PPO) so this means that if said baby is born this year its birth will essentially be covered by insurance. Well, I really like the fact that we will not have to pay any additional fees. That being said I am frightened at the the fact of having a baby in NOV and DEC. Okay, calm down let me explain.
Gay families get to practically choose everything from donor characteristics. This process is a plan that is well thought out unlike heterosexual people. We have to think weather or not we want children and and then think how we will obtain this and who will be our donor and who will carry. So my thought is, that we have put all this thought in to having a child why cant we plan out when its born (We can) Well try to at least decide what month it will be born. My wife and I have a lil issue with Scorpios (the sign) and well My wife's b day is on or a day before or after Thanksgiving and from previous blog you can see her anxiety, hate and distaste. The next month is Dec and early December is great but Hanukkah can get in the way later is too close to Christmas and well I don't want another Holiday to interfere with my family (that must sound terrible) I just know the issues my wife has. Not to mention the Scorpio thing.
I dont know much about Astrology and signs .. it is a lesbian thing though a lot of women who are gay seem to have this Astrology thing going on .. My wife kinda has it.... like i said I dunno ... but i know what she tells me about Scorpios and I have seen her friend who are Scorpio and I know that I have a father and sister who are LEO's and have a hard time with them being an Aquarius. .. Okay I know this sounds ridiculous!!! I know ... but if we hold off the baby can be born in JAN in 2011 and have its own Birthday not under the pressure of another Holiday and but we would have to meet our deductible .
I know Crazy right !!! WHat can say I'm an over thinker!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
All over the place
I am counting down the days for my wife's post-op appointment. I am so excited for the Project Baby. I found new resources and books to read. I also joined some yahoo groups they are mainly for pregnant lesbians ( more for my wife) than me but when resources are limited sometimes you need to just jump right in. Still trying to find blogs, groups and the like for non-bio moms and pregnant butches even though I am not pregnant. I am feel ass though I am all over the place with this. From thinking of names, to nursery design, to the OH shit factor and clothe vs. non cloth diapers. I know, I know .. I am all over the place I am just so excited, scared and everything in between.
My wife schlepped me to an Estate planning meeting held by the Human Rights Campaign. Oddly, i have been all about this prior to her surgery and really thinking about if and when Baby-cakes comes ( we have not even inseminated yest). I am not naive or anything, I am a realist and a part-time fatalist ( hey, I am working on that).
I realize we have to act swiftly and prepare all this stuff and how important it is. Just more hoops we homos have to jump though to ensure we get treated like half a person. Moreover , I realize the many dollar signs that come with this "Estate Planning" i put it in quote cuz Estate is so fancy and well we are more along the lines of "Shack Planning" we dont own yet and our assets well we dont really have those. A set of pearls and the wife's wedding ring and the rest is sentimental stuff I suppose. OK so maybe that just the estate part and there is the durable power of attorney and the Medical directive and this and that and that and more of this.
We both agree its important for us to do this and we realize it more to protect our child/children. We keep saying well if anything shoudl GOD FORBID happen my mom wouldn't and well my family is cool but push comes to shove we have no idea what will happen. Just as I truly believe there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. From what I have seen you try to be nice and sweet after all this is someone you LOVED and CARED for ...Nope MESSY MESSY MESSY.
We heard really great things from The Attorneys that spoke and some Big HRC wig also spoke. Learned a lot i didn't know. Like Nevada does allow second parent adoptions and China, Guatemala and another place makes you sign a disclaimer when adopting stating your not a lesbian or gay therefore you can not Domestic Partner. Most compelling for me was that the Family Attorney said that in his office they know what judge to use because there are Judges in NV that will not side for the GLBT community. Umm.. wait just a minute .. Judges aren't they supposed to be impartial and non bias( ok maybe that was a lil naive). I know this but really for a family attorney to spout thins at a HRC meeting on LGBT Estate Planning.
Ok well I think I will go back to looking at Cribs and strollers and cloth vs. regular diapers. But I will also look up some will and research stuff like that as well. It needs to be done.
My wife schlepped me to an Estate planning meeting held by the Human Rights Campaign. Oddly, i have been all about this prior to her surgery and really thinking about if and when Baby-cakes comes ( we have not even inseminated yest). I am not naive or anything, I am a realist and a part-time fatalist ( hey, I am working on that).
I realize we have to act swiftly and prepare all this stuff and how important it is. Just more hoops we homos have to jump though to ensure we get treated like half a person. Moreover , I realize the many dollar signs that come with this "Estate Planning" i put it in quote cuz Estate is so fancy and well we are more along the lines of "Shack Planning" we dont own yet and our assets well we dont really have those. A set of pearls and the wife's wedding ring and the rest is sentimental stuff I suppose. OK so maybe that just the estate part and there is the durable power of attorney and the Medical directive and this and that and that and more of this.
We both agree its important for us to do this and we realize it more to protect our child/children. We keep saying well if anything shoudl GOD FORBID happen my mom wouldn't and well my family is cool but push comes to shove we have no idea what will happen. Just as I truly believe there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. From what I have seen you try to be nice and sweet after all this is someone you LOVED and CARED for ...Nope MESSY MESSY MESSY.
We heard really great things from The Attorneys that spoke and some Big HRC wig also spoke. Learned a lot i didn't know. Like Nevada does allow second parent adoptions and China, Guatemala and another place makes you sign a disclaimer when adopting stating your not a lesbian or gay therefore you can not Domestic Partner. Most compelling for me was that the Family Attorney said that in his office they know what judge to use because there are Judges in NV that will not side for the GLBT community. Umm.. wait just a minute .. Judges aren't they supposed to be impartial and non bias( ok maybe that was a lil naive). I know this but really for a family attorney to spout thins at a HRC meeting on LGBT Estate Planning.
Ok well I think I will go back to looking at Cribs and strollers and cloth vs. regular diapers. But I will also look up some will and research stuff like that as well. It needs to be done.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Project Baby in full Force
The wife had her surgery 6 days ago. She is doing well, sleeping a lot. I am not sure if she is generally tired or if it is pain med induced, either way she had a pretty invasive surgery.
We see the Fertility Dr on the 27th two days after my Birthday. If everything is healing well and the Wife's recovery is on point then The PROJECT BABY is well on its way.
While she was laid up we watched a ton of movies, THANK GOODNESS FOR NETFLIX! We watched two movies that were really great and also gave us some insight to our process. "Making Grace" is wonderful Movie about a Lesbian couple who is on the path to having a baby. It was wonderful watching knowing that our thoughts and freak outs and concerns are some of the same and/or similar to other people in this process. ( Tammy Stoner if you are reading this you need to thwart your talents this way and make an updated version with more people and diversity you can call it Project Baby !)
The next movie we watched lead me down a path I am still unsure about. The wife wants a home birth or natural birth. I love the concept of it but with the medical background I have it scares me. We watched The Rikki Lake film "Business of Being Born" and it was astounding! Once we are in the swing of things I am sure there will be a blog about Home birth vs. Hospital. I'm really torn and if you watch teh movie you see the irony with Abby.
I am lil bummed because there are not many books on lesbians and conceiving and moreover there are not book on butch women and babies and I have found tons of fertility sites but nothing geared at Lesbian women and certainly nothing geared to even straight men let alone Butch women. I am so the talker and question asker- I need a group of like people to connect to. I talk to my wife but its even a dynamic that she may not understand.
Well I suppose now that PROJECT BABY is in full effect things are going to come outta the woodwork and issues and ill preparedness and questions and all sorts of EXCITING Things!
Really this baby making stuff is all that is on my mind... I'm kinda obsessed and I am not even the one who is getting pregnant !
We see the Fertility Dr on the 27th two days after my Birthday. If everything is healing well and the Wife's recovery is on point then The PROJECT BABY is well on its way.
While she was laid up we watched a ton of movies, THANK GOODNESS FOR NETFLIX! We watched two movies that were really great and also gave us some insight to our process. "Making Grace" is wonderful Movie about a Lesbian couple who is on the path to having a baby. It was wonderful watching knowing that our thoughts and freak outs and concerns are some of the same and/or similar to other people in this process. ( Tammy Stoner if you are reading this you need to thwart your talents this way and make an updated version with more people and diversity you can call it Project Baby !)
The next movie we watched lead me down a path I am still unsure about. The wife wants a home birth or natural birth. I love the concept of it but with the medical background I have it scares me. We watched The Rikki Lake film "Business of Being Born" and it was astounding! Once we are in the swing of things I am sure there will be a blog about Home birth vs. Hospital. I'm really torn and if you watch teh movie you see the irony with Abby.
I am lil bummed because there are not many books on lesbians and conceiving and moreover there are not book on butch women and babies and I have found tons of fertility sites but nothing geared at Lesbian women and certainly nothing geared to even straight men let alone Butch women. I am so the talker and question asker- I need a group of like people to connect to. I talk to my wife but its even a dynamic that she may not understand.
Well I suppose now that PROJECT BABY is in full effect things are going to come outta the woodwork and issues and ill preparedness and questions and all sorts of EXCITING Things!
Really this baby making stuff is all that is on my mind... I'm kinda obsessed and I am not even the one who is getting pregnant !
Thursday, January 14, 2010
SURGERY
woo hoo ... yesterday was surgery day !
It was nerve racking for sure. We hurried up to wait basically. The hospital even called us because we were running a bit late but then again so were they and not just a bit how about a hour.
there were several other people in the waiting pre-opp room. We all stared glazed over looking at the new about Haiti. Its terrible... and then i was feeling a tad claustrophobic and crap we are all breathing in each others carbon dioxide and ewwww..
I sometime over think over analyze and basically freak. So a man came in and I could just tell by what he was wearing that he was having surgery so, I jumped up and gave him my seat, besides i am gonna be sitting for 4 hours.
They call the wife in but tell me to STAY BACK... then what seems like a lifetime they call me back in. We just chit chatted, talked about the white light and how NOT TO GO TO IT and if she feels compelled to then don't stay long and say hello to all the loved ones we lost. Sometimes you have to just joke- it oddly made us feel better. They asked the wife the same questions over and over again she looked so helpless and cute in her hospital gown and DAMN those things are stiff as all get out. The Dr. finally came updated us on yet another delay and told us how she was starving .. umm HI, and so are we ... finally they take her in 2hrs later.
SO I waited and walked around the parking lot and got fresh air and paced text everyone the update and phoned a few friends and family. I was in a conversation about insurance with my uncle and then saw the Dr. I was surprised and it seemed like she just went in. The Dr. gave me pictures of my wife's parts her liver and ovaries and tubes... it was amazing. She said everything went well ! WOO HOO I was saying in my head....I said thank you and she went about her next surgery.
The hospital was a lil taken back that We were married and the nurse had a tough time with it but nothing outwardly malicious.
The OR nurse called and said she was just waking up and it will be about an hour before i can see her ... but it was only like 30 min if that. I went back and walked in and gave her a hug n kiss and asked tons of questions which she had no clue how to answer cuz she was out and groggy. I told her I had pictures and she was all confused and I showed her and then her eye opened wide ...an she said Ohhh!
Then another nurse helped her to the bathroom I helped her get dressed and they wheeled her to the car.
Our Drive home was funny My wife still drugged was talking nonsense and saying weird things she was insisting that i have my head lights on.
The sky was amazing on the way home it just rained so the there were clouds some dark some very yellow orange ( we call it pretty light time ) and some powdery fluff and the most beautiful rainbow it was just straight prolly the end of a rainbow but it was backwards... purple, blue, green, orange, yellow, red...
and we got home and I made soup and jello ...
and then I put her to bed and Project Baby starts again !
It was nerve racking for sure. We hurried up to wait basically. The hospital even called us because we were running a bit late but then again so were they and not just a bit how about a hour.
there were several other people in the waiting pre-opp room. We all stared glazed over looking at the new about Haiti. Its terrible... and then i was feeling a tad claustrophobic and crap we are all breathing in each others carbon dioxide and ewwww..
I sometime over think over analyze and basically freak. So a man came in and I could just tell by what he was wearing that he was having surgery so, I jumped up and gave him my seat, besides i am gonna be sitting for 4 hours.
They call the wife in but tell me to STAY BACK... then what seems like a lifetime they call me back in. We just chit chatted, talked about the white light and how NOT TO GO TO IT and if she feels compelled to then don't stay long and say hello to all the loved ones we lost. Sometimes you have to just joke- it oddly made us feel better. They asked the wife the same questions over and over again she looked so helpless and cute in her hospital gown and DAMN those things are stiff as all get out. The Dr. finally came updated us on yet another delay and told us how she was starving .. umm HI, and so are we ... finally they take her in 2hrs later.
SO I waited and walked around the parking lot and got fresh air and paced text everyone the update and phoned a few friends and family. I was in a conversation about insurance with my uncle and then saw the Dr. I was surprised and it seemed like she just went in. The Dr. gave me pictures of my wife's parts her liver and ovaries and tubes... it was amazing. She said everything went well ! WOO HOO I was saying in my head....I said thank you and she went about her next surgery.
The hospital was a lil taken back that We were married and the nurse had a tough time with it but nothing outwardly malicious.
The OR nurse called and said she was just waking up and it will be about an hour before i can see her ... but it was only like 30 min if that. I went back and walked in and gave her a hug n kiss and asked tons of questions which she had no clue how to answer cuz she was out and groggy. I told her I had pictures and she was all confused and I showed her and then her eye opened wide ...an she said Ohhh!
Then another nurse helped her to the bathroom I helped her get dressed and they wheeled her to the car.
Our Drive home was funny My wife still drugged was talking nonsense and saying weird things she was insisting that i have my head lights on.
The sky was amazing on the way home it just rained so the there were clouds some dark some very yellow orange ( we call it pretty light time ) and some powdery fluff and the most beautiful rainbow it was just straight prolly the end of a rainbow but it was backwards... purple, blue, green, orange, yellow, red...
and we got home and I made soup and jello ...
and then I put her to bed and Project Baby starts again !
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Pre- Op hell
Ok, Yesterday was hell .. well for me at least. We went to see the Dr. she gave us the info we needed for The Wife's surgery this WEDNESDAY and then we had to do all the pre-op stuff. You already know my feelings on it. Freaks me out. As much as I am a medicine/medical buff and love knowing things... I dislike Hospitals very much.
As a child I remember being at hospitals regularly. My Grandfather has had several open heart surgeries (like 5 of them) He was so scared that one of the bypasses he had to have his chest packed with sugar because there was too much scar tissue and they could not sew him closed. This was Amazing to me, but i hate hospitals
Anyhow, I am not sure exactly what my issue with Hospitals are i also feel this way about most Dr. offices and clinics and bathrooms a lil phobic.
Okay so the Dr. tells us the complications, I ask a ton of questions and oddly I ask them of the Dr. and she always turns to my wife and answers. I asked my wife if she thought this was odd and she agreed. Back to the complications she did not mention anything too serious just said she can accidentally poke a hole in her uterus ... Oh that's it, is what I am thinking to myself... Just a hole hmm.. Uhhh wait don't we need the uterus for our child that we are trying to make hence the surgery ...YEAH!
She went on to saying the uterus will heal if she does poke it and everything should be fine. My wife is gonna get the Michael Jackson stuff (that whats the Dr called it) we all made comments and chuckled. I felt so much better after talking to her.
After our visit with the Dr. we had to go to THE HOSPITAL to do the pre-opp there.
Neither one of us ate our appointment was at 11 with the Dr. and then after we went to THE HOSPITAL at about 12ish. We signed in and WAITED and WAITED and WAITED... an hour and half later they call us ... Just to fill out paper work and have the wife do a urine and blood test. The waiting was killer for me and my wife was waiting next to me. What the hell is it gonna be like on WED when I am all alone waiting for 4 hours. I paced, I shook I rocked and paced again.. Then they called our name .. I ran so fast to the counter.
After we filled all the necessary paper they gave her a fancy plastic white ID bracelet on her wrist ... and she isn't even gonna be there for another 2 days. i though it was odd... She signed on every line possible added the date and then we were pushed off to the next area where I have to wait another 30-45 min for her to get a blood draw and urine test. I thanked Baby Jesus and his conglomerates, Moses, Allah , Buddha and the resat of the gang for my phones Facebook Capabilities. I call my mom to pass the time and then my wife send me a text from the other room. Damn , I think too bad she will be out during surgery otherwise we could chat.
Finally she walks out ....so 3 hours later we finally leave and were starved ok FAMISHED....
I hope I don't kill anyone on WEDNESDAY- as the waiting creates this impatience that makes everyone you encounter ANNOYING even after you leave the hospital.
As a child I remember being at hospitals regularly. My Grandfather has had several open heart surgeries (like 5 of them) He was so scared that one of the bypasses he had to have his chest packed with sugar because there was too much scar tissue and they could not sew him closed. This was Amazing to me, but i hate hospitals
Anyhow, I am not sure exactly what my issue with Hospitals are i also feel this way about most Dr. offices and clinics and bathrooms a lil phobic.
Okay so the Dr. tells us the complications, I ask a ton of questions and oddly I ask them of the Dr. and she always turns to my wife and answers. I asked my wife if she thought this was odd and she agreed. Back to the complications she did not mention anything too serious just said she can accidentally poke a hole in her uterus ... Oh that's it, is what I am thinking to myself... Just a hole hmm.. Uhhh wait don't we need the uterus for our child that we are trying to make hence the surgery ...YEAH!
She went on to saying the uterus will heal if she does poke it and everything should be fine. My wife is gonna get the Michael Jackson stuff (that whats the Dr called it) we all made comments and chuckled. I felt so much better after talking to her.
After our visit with the Dr. we had to go to THE HOSPITAL to do the pre-opp there.
Neither one of us ate our appointment was at 11 with the Dr. and then after we went to THE HOSPITAL at about 12ish. We signed in and WAITED and WAITED and WAITED... an hour and half later they call us ... Just to fill out paper work and have the wife do a urine and blood test. The waiting was killer for me and my wife was waiting next to me. What the hell is it gonna be like on WED when I am all alone waiting for 4 hours. I paced, I shook I rocked and paced again.. Then they called our name .. I ran so fast to the counter.
After we filled all the necessary paper they gave her a fancy plastic white ID bracelet on her wrist ... and she isn't even gonna be there for another 2 days. i though it was odd... She signed on every line possible added the date and then we were pushed off to the next area where I have to wait another 30-45 min for her to get a blood draw and urine test. I thanked Baby Jesus and his conglomerates, Moses, Allah , Buddha and the resat of the gang for my phones Facebook Capabilities. I call my mom to pass the time and then my wife send me a text from the other room. Damn , I think too bad she will be out during surgery otherwise we could chat.
Finally she walks out ....so 3 hours later we finally leave and were starved ok FAMISHED....
I hope I don't kill anyone on WEDNESDAY- as the waiting creates this impatience that makes everyone you encounter ANNOYING even after you leave the hospital.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Overwhelmed ... just a bit
My wife is having surgery next week. This Babymaking project is starting to get a bit on my nerves. As my wife says, "why can't things just be easy for once."
We saw the fertility Dr on the Monday and she tried to do some test but was unable. My wife's cervix is apparently very closed. So she will need surgery to dilate her cervix.
I am not one for Doctor not a big fan. As medically obsessed as I am I dont like going to the Drs and I dont like being in hospitals. I am freaking out here. I am really trying to be strong for my wife and trying to be as supportive and positive as I can be but I am really freaked out. I will be sitting in a waiting room freaking out. I know I am holding her hand and I am great at that.. but who supports the supporter. I asked my mom if she would come just to keep me company and well she has to work.
I know everything will be fine and i hoping this as well. But in the back of my mind realist/fatalist is here saying hey...This is a big thing this could become more serious, there is serious risk. I know this ... there are complication that may occur. I could loose my wife and that little percentage is killing me and frightening. I just can not handle that. I'm a complete and utter wuss with that. Who picks me up from that ... and I cant dare say anything to my wife.
I read the books about power of attorney and Medical advocate and we should have done the paperwork even though we are married legally in CA (grandfathered in sorta ) DAMN PROP 8 hater. Can the hospital refuse me, could her parents decide to step in an shut me out? My brain is throwing out every possible situation. Life insurance, how are we going to afford this, whats it even going to cost... SHIT why did I buy so many Christmas presents.
Clearly you can see I am freaking out... I need a support system..because my support system is going to have surgery.
I have been an emotional wreck 1.) there is a humongous amount of hormones in the air they are pumping my wife chalk full of them and somehow I am being affected and she is super irritable and hormonal. I am trying to tread lightly I really am. 2.) my brain is just spewing and I am strong for her but wish she knew how I felt; alone at the moment. 3.) my wife is having surgery
Oy .... i try to remember to breathe
We saw the fertility Dr on the Monday and she tried to do some test but was unable. My wife's cervix is apparently very closed. So she will need surgery to dilate her cervix.
I am not one for Doctor not a big fan. As medically obsessed as I am I dont like going to the Drs and I dont like being in hospitals. I am freaking out here. I am really trying to be strong for my wife and trying to be as supportive and positive as I can be but I am really freaked out. I will be sitting in a waiting room freaking out. I know I am holding her hand and I am great at that.. but who supports the supporter. I asked my mom if she would come just to keep me company and well she has to work.
I know everything will be fine and i hoping this as well. But in the back of my mind realist/fatalist is here saying hey...This is a big thing this could become more serious, there is serious risk. I know this ... there are complication that may occur. I could loose my wife and that little percentage is killing me and frightening. I just can not handle that. I'm a complete and utter wuss with that. Who picks me up from that ... and I cant dare say anything to my wife.
I read the books about power of attorney and Medical advocate and we should have done the paperwork even though we are married legally in CA (grandfathered in sorta ) DAMN PROP 8 hater. Can the hospital refuse me, could her parents decide to step in an shut me out? My brain is throwing out every possible situation. Life insurance, how are we going to afford this, whats it even going to cost... SHIT why did I buy so many Christmas presents.
Clearly you can see I am freaking out... I need a support system..because my support system is going to have surgery.
I have been an emotional wreck 1.) there is a humongous amount of hormones in the air they are pumping my wife chalk full of them and somehow I am being affected and she is super irritable and hormonal. I am trying to tread lightly I really am. 2.) my brain is just spewing and I am strong for her but wish she knew how I felt; alone at the moment. 3.) my wife is having surgery
Oy .... i try to remember to breathe
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Crazy Coincidence
Well Happy New Year Friend. Hoping 2010 is prosperous, fertile and Happy for everyone.
I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Though I am a realist and often a fatalist I do believe that eventually the reason will peak its head up- yeah it may take a while.
On December 31 209 the wife and I ventured to the fertility place again for a Vaginal ultrasound and blood work. It was a busy day there lots of couples mainly hetero ones and we saw one woman and her husband/partner being given a gift bag and being released to a OBGYN ... Congratulations your pregnant ! It was a good Day. We also call another couple who seemed to be very joyfull.
The Ultrasound went well the Dr. says my wife has lots of good looking eggs ... however there was a few questionable things like a polyp and a possible cyst. SO we discussed a few things and it sounds like surgery. Nothing super bad easily fixed and very common from what I hear. For the record... the idea of surgery and my wife really freaks me out. I cant tell her cuz I am supposed to be super supportive but who is gonna support me. Did I mention I am freaking out.
Anyhow, we got gugssied up and feasted on New Years Eve at the M hotel and had so much seafood and a truck load of Crab Legs, wine and beer ( all you can drink) We were feeling good and really full. It was so packed we could not even get on a slot machine. We were walking around the hotel aimlessly and a nice handsome black gentleman came up to us and said, "Hey did'nt I see you guys at the fertility clinic this AM." We engaged in a short conversation and he told us they were pregnant with twins ...SO, I rubbed his arm for good luck ( we need all the help ) My wife was like Oh my god you rubbed his arm, twins ..
Now what are the chances that we would run in to a guy from the Fertility clinic which I will say is not close to our house certainly not as close at the M hotel.
Everything Happens for a reason.
I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Though I am a realist and often a fatalist I do believe that eventually the reason will peak its head up- yeah it may take a while.
On December 31 209 the wife and I ventured to the fertility place again for a Vaginal ultrasound and blood work. It was a busy day there lots of couples mainly hetero ones and we saw one woman and her husband/partner being given a gift bag and being released to a OBGYN ... Congratulations your pregnant ! It was a good Day. We also call another couple who seemed to be very joyfull.
The Ultrasound went well the Dr. says my wife has lots of good looking eggs ... however there was a few questionable things like a polyp and a possible cyst. SO we discussed a few things and it sounds like surgery. Nothing super bad easily fixed and very common from what I hear. For the record... the idea of surgery and my wife really freaks me out. I cant tell her cuz I am supposed to be super supportive but who is gonna support me. Did I mention I am freaking out.
Anyhow, we got gugssied up and feasted on New Years Eve at the M hotel and had so much seafood and a truck load of Crab Legs, wine and beer ( all you can drink) We were feeling good and really full. It was so packed we could not even get on a slot machine. We were walking around the hotel aimlessly and a nice handsome black gentleman came up to us and said, "Hey did'nt I see you guys at the fertility clinic this AM." We engaged in a short conversation and he told us they were pregnant with twins ...SO, I rubbed his arm for good luck ( we need all the help ) My wife was like Oh my god you rubbed his arm, twins ..
Now what are the chances that we would run in to a guy from the Fertility clinic which I will say is not close to our house certainly not as close at the M hotel.
Everything Happens for a reason.
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