My mothers other daughter

Like i mentioned in previous post. I have sort of kind of been "chatting" with my estranged sister. We have not really spoke in about 4 years this Jan.

How we came to chat (it was actually e-mail) we are e-mailing. Of course our mother had something to do with this. The middle man... She always took bits and pieces of our lives and stories to each of our families. The conversation would sound something like this, "I know you don't care or wanna hear about it but, your sister.."
and this is how we were kept in the loop with one another but not ever talking.

My sister did a really really hurtful thing and the "I'm better than you attitude" is really obnoxious. She was more of a hazard to me than any good and why should I have kept someone in my life who was always belittling me and degrading. I would have to think more than twice if i was going to say something and walking on egg shells- being judged really sucks and quite frankly, she did a lot of very hurtful things. She never really did apologize.. she called to say she was calling to apologize but never said she was sorry or even what she was apologizing for?

Anyhow, I am not trying to rekindle the relationship. I have come to terms with being an elective single child. I know your thinking how can you say that and blood blah blah blah .. but it been 4 years and we were never NEVER close and this I remember from when I was very little.

I think its really funny how we have been E-mailing for a few days ( my responses are much longer and more in depth that hers) and all of the sudden she just invites me to visit her in another state for her sons bris. Yes, it was very awkward to me and I'm sure if I go I would feel some sort of animosity or something because nothing has really been resolved but because we are hopefully going to both be mothers (if This Project Baby ever comes to a head) that I should arrive at the the bris and we are act like best friends. (well, that's what I think in my head and only because I have an ideology of the Preis clan which is a real sisterhood and what I would want if I ever had a sister.)

I'm ok with e-mailing her for now and certainly keeping her at bay but not sure if I will ever consider her to be my sister. She certainly fell short of what I think a sister should be and we are really on opposite sides of the spectrum with nothing, NOTHING in common. She is uber republican probably staunch, high-falooten and will step on and over whom she can to get to where she needs to go. and... well i need something more than this, I need someone who's got heart and a soul.

It really does amaze me that we were even birthed from the same parents and were housed in the same womb and have the similar genetic makeup and we are EXTREMELY different.

So, I will keep e-mailing because that is who I am but and i will toss my expectations to the side to protect myself from getting hurt or being disappointed.