Overwhelmed ... just a bit

My wife is having surgery next week. This Babymaking project is starting to get a bit on my nerves. As my wife says, "why can't things just be easy for once."

We saw the fertility Dr on the Monday and she tried to do some test but was unable. My wife's cervix is apparently very closed. So she will need surgery to dilate her cervix.

I am not one for Doctor not a big fan. As medically obsessed as I am I dont like going to the Drs and I dont like being in hospitals. I am freaking out here. I am really trying to be strong for my wife and trying to be as supportive and positive as I can be but I am really freaked out. I will be sitting in a waiting room freaking out. I know I am holding her hand and I am great at that.. but who supports the supporter. I asked my mom if she would come just to keep me company and well she has to work.

I know everything will be fine and i hoping this as well. But in the back of my mind realist/fatalist is here saying hey...This is a big thing this could become more serious, there is serious risk. I know this ... there are complication that may occur. I could loose my wife and that little percentage is killing me and frightening. I just can not handle that. I'm a complete and utter wuss with that. Who picks me up from that ... and I cant dare say anything to my wife.

I read the books about power of attorney and Medical advocate and we should have done the paperwork even though we are married legally in CA (grandfathered in sorta ) DAMN PROP 8 hater. Can the hospital refuse me, could her parents decide to step in an shut me out? My brain is throwing out every possible situation. Life insurance, how are we going to afford this, whats it even going to cost... SHIT why did I buy so many Christmas presents.

Clearly you can see I am freaking out... I need a support system..because my support system is going to have surgery.

I have been an emotional wreck 1.) there is a humongous amount of hormones in the air they are pumping my wife chalk full of them and somehow I am being affected and she is super irritable and hormonal. I am trying to tread lightly I really am. 2.) my brain is just spewing and I am strong for her but wish she knew how I felt; alone at the moment. 3.) my wife is having surgery

Oy .... i try to remember to breathe