Choose your family.

Oy ... I am sure your excited to read this post. I'm sure I'll get flack from my family and my wife's family. I have had the unfortunate experience of being the second born. That's right many of you are gasping and thinking what... you never said you had a sister, well I do... well biologically speaking yes my mother had two children two girls 1 year and 5 month apart (my wife says that is why we do not get along )

My sister and I were NEVER close never! As an adult I am not sure how we were even cut from the same loin - but we were. Complete polar opposites like magnets when put together that repels each other that is what and how we are. I always thought my parents loved her more and payed more attention to her. She was the dancer, cheerleader and the scholar and now the Lawyer. I was just there causing havoc and grief being the "free spirited one" as mom says. Now that I am in my thirties my thought about my parents doting on my sister and loving her more and tending to her more I now realize I was dead on, sadly. I have come to terms with it.When we became estranged my mom had a hard time with it. I understood her perspective as its her two daughters well her daughter and ME (I dont think i fit in to the daughter category more like daughter son category) My mom has two sisters and well perhaps she though they all had a wonderful relationship but what i know of it, it was on again off again. I was sympathetic and I tried to explain to my mom that I just dont need to be judged by my "SISTER" and that I dont like being belittled and made to feel less than. Her Lawyer status makes her think everyone is guilty in my perspective and that most people with the exception of her friends are beneath her. Her words of wisdom to me while I was in college were 1.) Mom and Dad dont get education they barely graduated High school so dont expect anything from them and all they are good for is paying for things. 2.) My philosophy in life is to do what I have to and step on who I have to to get to the top ! I totally do not subscribe to this - I was standing with my mouth wide open for like an hour after I heard that. I am a bleeding heart, I have a heart of gold.. I step on no one and always put myself last ... GULP ....and ok so education was not a big whoop to my parents and they come from a different time ... but geez RESPECT something Law School did'nt teach her obviously.

After our falling out almost four years ago I choose to no longer have a sister certainly not one like that . I see friends who have awesome relationships with their sibling and I am usually in Awe of them but just the mere sight/though of "my sister" (i refer to her only by name in my daily life if she happens to come up as if she was an acquaintance I knew on High school or something) I cringe and just have a horrible taste in my mouth. I have tried to reconcile and had made attempts but nothing has come of it. I have great friends who are more like family to me than some of my own. So I believe that you can choose family and this BS about blood and blood line is a crock of shit.

I think choosing your family is a viable option. Especially now that I am in the process of trying to start my own family which is not nuclear in the Mother/father sense. I know the most important thing is to have people around me, my wife and soon to be child are people who love us for us and who can accept us for what and who we are. I am all about letting people slip out of my life if they do not enrich me in some way and certainly if they cause me more harm than good. Positive living if you will well at least in my mind. Life passes to quickly to try to play the game and appease. My child will have an AUNT to fill my sisters place and I have a substitute for her as well.